Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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