it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In America we eat man semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
