I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
