Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
