Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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