i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
