Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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