Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
whose parrot is this?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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