I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
