Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to wash the frat house off of me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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