I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dating After Heartbreak
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.