some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"