I feel great
I just peed on a car
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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