i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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