So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
