worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
