I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
