My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
