The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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