that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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