I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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