used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Randomize
