wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize