I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
