Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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