I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
