Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
