Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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