Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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