I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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