Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
