weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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