drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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