I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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