I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
