she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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