apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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