these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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