weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
