so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
