My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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