If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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