She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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