He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
