i think i have herpe
just one?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
