Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
