After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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