Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
