i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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