Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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