Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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