she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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