You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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