if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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