when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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