I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
