I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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