I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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