i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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