U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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