my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to sanitize my soul.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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