It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
