When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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