She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
